Maybe it's time to find Sasquatch
Steve Martaindale

On March 11, 1967, the ivory-billed woodpecker made its debut as an endangered species, which was optimistic since there was no solid evidence that any still existed.

In the 40 years that have passed, little has changed. There are new rumors that an ivory-billed woodpecker has been spotted in Arkansas, maybe another in Florida, but nothing conclusive. However, any such bird that might be hiding in the deep woods somewhere should be encouraged to know that the government is ready with a recovery plan.

This wasn't something that a couple of birding enthusiasts threw together one weekend over a case of beer. Downloadable from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service's Web site, the plan runs 182 pages, including the cover photo of a couple of ivory-billed woodpeckers taken in 1937. Actually, this is only a draft plan, which must mean that more people will get involved and make the final plan much longer.

And perhaps even more expensive. Right now, it calls for spending $27.785 million over the next few years in an attempt to find and then protect a bird that may not even exist. According to the Web site Wikipedia, a reported sighting on Feb. 27, 2004, in Arkansas' Cache River National Wildlife Refuge was reason enough for The Nature Conservancy and Cornell University to buy up potential habitat in the area.

At the risk of getting hate mail from ornithologists and bird-watchers, I can't help but think of a better way to spend some $27 million.

We - or, at least, those people who are into such things - know that the ivory-billed woodpecker lived at one time. Indeed, there were observations made by qualified watchers and, as mentioned above, there are photographs. However, there is another species whose acknowledgement of existence, past or present and in spite of photographs, sits on a razor's edge. It is a species that has fostered substantial interest among readers of the nation's supermarket tabloids. Yes, we have proof that the ivory-billed woodpecker once existed, yet we still have no incontrovertible evidence that sasquatch roams free, using its subhuman brain to hide from those who seek it.

Maybe a coordinated, documented and catalogued search by a government agency with several millions of dollars at its disposal is just what we need to once-and-for-all prove that bigfoot is out there. With the high-powered help of the feds, along with the crime lab from Las Vegas, we should be able to track down sasquatch. It has to be easier than finding Osama bin Laden; the sasquatch has so few caves in which to hide.

Just think of the global goodwill generated by such a find. Let's be perfectly honest here. Finding one or two woodpeckers thought to be extinct is not going to generate many worldwide headlines. There would be only mild interest here outside of the birding world. But come away with proof that sasquatch is alive and you will have people everywhere clamoring to get a look.

That brings up a problem, doesn't it? Supposedly, the possible ivory-billed sighting in Arkansas remained secret for a while for fear that it would generate a stampede of birdwatchers. Maybe our government does know where sasquatch lives and keeps the fact quiet to protect the beast.

It makes sense and such a benevolent mindset would explain the Roswell crash and other UFO encounters.

I wonder how much we're spending to keep those alien creatures in their natural habitat.

Steve Martaindale is a self-syndicated columnist. Write him at penmanmail-steve@yahoo. com.