Sage observations
Got a problem? Take a pill
Cactus PRYOR

Happy pills to you to keep you on the go. Happy pills to you when going is so slow.

Yeah, we've got'em for whatever you've got. Got an earache? Take a pill.

If that irritates your throat or kidneys, well, there are pills to soothe your throat or clear your kidneys. Now these pills might cause you to go without sleep for a couple of nights.

But, should that happen, there are other pills that will allow you to sleep. However, there is a possibility that you may never awaken after taking that sleeping pill. So you probably would want to take a pill that will prohibit eternal sleep. That pill, called wow wow, might make you crawl around the house on your hands and knees and soil your underwear and bite your dog. So, to offset those negatives there is the doodley powe pill. This will help you to walk erect and vote Republican.

However, if you are Democrat, you'll need to take another pill that will enable you to vote Democratically. But, it also will cause your right hand to cramp all its fingers except the middle finger, which will continue to stay erect. And speaking of that, I have some late medical information regarding that particular, uh, situation. Call me on the phone if you want more information.

And, by the way, if you are having mental problems from receiving too many phone calls selling some product or politician, there is now a pill that will send electric charges down the line.

So, we are all beneficiaries of our remarkable modern medical world. If you excuse me now, I must take my pill that allows me to Z-Z-Z-Z-Z.